Couple's TherapyXMen Style
by Etoile-san
Summary: The X-Men will face their greatest challenge yet.....COUPLE'S THERAPY! FINISHED!
1. And so it begins

Couple's therapy....X-Men Style!!!

By SooFetch

Les Disclaimour(WTF?!): Yes, I own the X-Men. I keep them in small cages & whip them while apon my

throne. And look! A pig flew by & it's raining malted milkballs!

"I'm sure you're all wondering why you're here." Professor X said calmly, lowering his eyes to Scott, Jean, Kitty, Rogue, Kurt, & Rahne. "I feel that all of you are not properly connected to work as a team. So, I have arranged for you all to attend couples therapy."

"WHAT??!!" exclaimed Rogue & Kitty

"No complaints here..." Jean said glancing sideways at Scott.

"WHO ARE ME, KITTY, & KURT S'POSED TO GO WITH?!" yelled Rogue

"You three. Kitty will go with Lance, Kurt will go with Amanda, & you, Rogue, will attend with Remy."

Now there were two very diffrent reactions to this. Kurt, on the one hand, sighed dreamily & stared into space, but Kitty & Rogue simply stood there, mouths gaping open.

"What do they have to do with, like, our teamwork skills?" Kitty crossed hjer arms & frowned, pouting.

"I feel," the professor started "that we will be seeing much more of Amanda, Lance, & Remy

in the future." The professor showed no change in his tone of voice, the same calm tone he almost always had.

With nothing left that could possibly match the wit of Professor X, Rogue stormed into the kitchen, slaming the door behind her. While Kitty, ran up the stairs & phased through the door of her room, locking it tight. Rahne, who was watching the whole state of events, finally turned to the professor.

"What about me?" she asked plainly

"For you, this is to...further explore the limits of love." the professor answered in an equaly

plain tone.

Rahne simply shrugged & walked off into the kitchen.

Next thing they knew, Scott, Jean, Kitty, Lance, Kurt, Amanda, Rogue, Remy, & Rahne stood outside the office of Dr.Holler, the couple's therapist. In front of them stood a heavy wooden door, which had the words "Dr.Holler, PH.D" engraved in small gold letters. Scott(with his obsessive need to lead) quickly moved to the front & knocked on the door.

"Enter." sounded a hoarse voice.

Scott pushed the door open to reval a tall woman in her mid-fourties with platinum blonde hair down to her waist, & was dressed in a black mini-skirt & black & white strpied sleevless-tee. Even with his shades on, Jean could tell that Scott's eyes nearly fell out his head at the sight of this so called "Doctor". She nuged him & thought to herself:

_"There's something strange about this doctor...but i can't put my finger on it."_

The nine teens all filed into the small room & took a seat in the over sized armchairs & armoires.

"Let's see, ah! You all must be those teens I'm counciling today, yes?" She nodded & looked down at her clipboard.

"Who you callin' a teen chere?" Remy interjected

"Excuse me." Dr.Holler said looking directly at him "Are you CORRECTING me?"

"Ehhh...non..." Remy lowered his head, meanwhile Rogue chuckled

_"That'll cut you down to size, huh?" she thought_

Dr.Holler nodded & turned back to her clipboard & studied it for a moment. Every once in a while she would glance up looking at diffrent people.

"Ok." she said flatly "Fill me in. Who's with who?"

So they all went through that whole fiasco of explaining everything that you all out there

already know.

............Whew...that sucked. Next chapter will be better! Scouts honor!!!


	2. The Exersize

Couples Therapy!!! Pt.2

By SooFetch

Disclaimer: I used to own the X-Men but then I sold them to Marvel for millions of dollars. Now I am a rich byotch with nothing better to do than type all day on my Flatscreen Dell with a free CD-R & DVD upgrade. Also I don't own the song by Pheobe in that one ep of Friends.

Dr.Holler furiously scribbled random notes down onto her clipboard.

"Wow...for being teens you all live very compilcated lives." she said, nodding

"Yack, yack, yack!" Lance said mockingly "Move it along lady! We ain't got all day to be here."

She ignored his comment. Simply glaring at him was enough to shut Lance up. But apparently, Kitty didn't get the message quite so clearly.

"He does have a point." She said, folding her arms. "Like, we shouldn't have to, like, be here! We don't have any, like, problems!"

"See?!" Lance pointed at Kitty "Pretty Kitty agrees with me!"

"Shut up, Lance!" Kitty snapped ! I like! I like very much!" Dr.Holler began to scribble note furiously once more."Keep going!"

"Aren't you supposed to be helping us vith our problems?" Kurt asked, mostly because he hasn't said anything yet.

"Excuse me Mr.Wagner." Dr.Holler sat down her clipboard & looked Kurt dead in the eye. "Are you telling me how to do my job?"

"Well, I just-"

"EXCUSE ME!"

"But I didn't-"

"Whatever...Let's just continue." She turned to Jean & Scott. "Now...ehh..Jean is it? I understand that you & Scott are together, yes?"

But before Jean could say anything, Dr.Holler continued. Thouroughly pissing off Jean.

"Alright, so the first excresize I have for you is a simple question. What is one fact about you that Scott don't know about? preferably something very out of charecter for you."

"That's a dumbass question." Rogue remarked

Everyone(with the exception of Rogue & Jean), being the unobservant asses they are didn't notice the good Doctor's eyes flare red for a few seconds before going back to icy blue & saying...

"Temper, temper! Jean, would you please just answer the question, before someone decides to comment on it, again?"

"I don't know really..." When Dr.Holler glared at her feircely, Jean sighed & answered "I guess he doesn't know that I can write songs."

"Oh really?" Dr.Holler leaned in "Would you mind singing one?"

"Well, I guess not...ummm...I do know this one that I wrote in the shower this morning."

"And?" Dr.Holler picked up her clipboard

"Well it goes like this:"

_I'm in the shower _

_& I'm writing a song._

_Stop me if you've heard it._

_pause_

_My skin is soapy_

_& my hair is wet._

_And Tegrin_

_Spelled backwards is_

_Nirget._

_Lather, rinse, repeat_

_& Lather, rinse, repeat,_

_& Lather, rinse, repeat,_

_pause_

_ As needed._

Jean finally stopped & the room was completly silent for about two minutes before Lance found it nessicary to comment.

"That sucked ass."

"Shut up Lance!" Scott & Kitty said at the same time

Lance glared at Kitty, then turned to Scott.

"Go recharge you batteries, Goggle boy!"

"You wanna go?!" Scott stood up, nearly toppling his chair over.

"Boys boys boys! Calm down!" Dr.Holler said. She thought for a moment before her experssion brightened "I know the perfect excersize for the two of you!"

Scott & Lance looked from each other to Dr.Holler.

_"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Kitty thought_

Damn! I broke the scouts honor. I said it would be better. Well R&R and tell me what you think.


	3. Bathrooms & Closets Can be Fun!

**Couples Therapy Pt3!!**

**By SooFetch**

**Disclaimer: It makes me feel stupid typing this. Really! I mean, if I owned the X-Men, why would I be a phsycotic loser typing to all you unknown people? Really! Geez-um! Also, I'd like to add that I don't own Hamtaro, because if I did...well let's just say there might be a few disappointed Ham-Hams out there.

* * *

**

Scott & Lance stared blankly at Dr.Holler, who simply sat in her chair & grinned.

"What the hell kind of 'exersize' are you talking about?" Lance asked. Dr.Holler grinned

"First I want you both to listen to this recording I've made. Listen as long as you can." She handed them both a portable CD player. Inside was an unlabled CD.

Lance & Scott each placed a set of headphones on their heads & pressed the play button.

_"Damn," thought Jean "I can't hear whatever it is they're listening to..."_

After about two minutes(& a few every odd expressions from Scott & Lance), Scott picked up his CD player & threw it against the wall.

"No more! I can't take it!!"He curled into a tiny ball in the corner & began to suck his thumb. Just then, Lance began his meltdown.

"The pain!! Take it away! Take it away!" Lance took refeuge under a nearby blanket. As he jerked off his headphones, everyone caught a glimps of his ears, which had turned pink. Now, Kitty & Jean just sat there, confused.

"Like, what did you make them, like, listen to?" she asked. Jean got up & placed one headphone next to her ear & sneered when she heard what was playing.

"Lady," she started "t-his is the 'Hamtaro' theme song played over & over." Jean removed the headphones & walked back to her chair.

"Why did you make them listen to that?" Kurt asked

"MR.WAGNER THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU QUESTION MY METHODS!" Dr.Holler made it painfully clear just where she got her name.

"But-"

"THAT'S IT! OUT! NOW! BOTH OF YOU!"

Kurt glared at the doctor & stood up. "Fine!" He grabbed Amanda's hand & with that, they were gone. Leaving everyone to deal with a throughly pissed Dr.Holler.

"And I made them listen to it to weaken their minds so there!" Dr.Holler stuck her toung out at a closed door, to make her point. "Ok so for the second part of the excersize." She stood up, walked over to the book case, & shuffled around some items before pulling out a long cone shaped item.

"_Ah _don't even wanna ask what that's for..." Rogue stated plainly

Dr.Holler grinned for a moment before accually looking at what she pulled out. When she accually realized what it was she let out a little yelp & shoved it way in the back of the book case.

"Ahem...That won't be used for this excersize..."

"Dat'd be a relief." Remy twirled a card in his hand. Rogue smirked.

_"That's probably the most intelligent thing Ah've heard him say all day." _she thought, realizing that she may have to rethink her feelings about Remy.

"All right, all right. The second part of the excersize," Dr.Holler paused for dramatic effect "is that Scott,(who was completly sane, just still hiding in the corner being comforted be Jean) & Lance(who was also sane, but still under the blanket) need to build their relationship before they can deal with you two." She gestured to Kitty & Jean.

"Like, what does that mean ther have to, like, do?" Kitty asked, walking over to Lance & peeking under the blanket.

"Oh that's quite simple accually." She stood up & then she said with a grin "They have to play that game 7 minutes in heaven."

"WHAT?!" Scott, Lance, Jean & Kitty exclaimed

But before anyone could protest, Dr.Holler shoved Scott & Lance into a small, nearby closet & locked the door.

"I'm not, like, taking this!" Kitty stood up, clearly getting ready through phase the door, but before she could Dr.Holler pulled her down.

"Now, now Kitty." she said "If they wanted to get out, they could. Same goes for you Jean. Don't do anything, please. Remember this is for your benifit."

Jean & Kitty sighed & sat back in thir chairs. While Rogue, who was feeling very uninvolved, drummed her fingers on her chair arm.

"Ah'm goin' to the bathroom." She stood up & walked towards the door, then she stopped for a moment, her hand on the door knob. Remy twirled a card & looked down. Rogue sighed & walked out.

"Shit..." Remy said then threw the card on the wall & practicly ran out the door.

* * *

**And that's it for Chapter 3. I have to say this isn't one of my better stoires & yes this is my first on Fan Fiction, but I have written some before & just never put them on. What will become of Scott & Lance? And just what are Rogue & Remy up to in this so called 'Bathroom Break'? Find out in Chapter 4!!!**


	4. No Amount of Words Can Sum this Up

**

* * *

Couple's Therapy Pt4!!!**

**By SooFetch**

**Disclaimer: Love 'em then leave 'em. Translated, it means I don't own the X-Men.**

**A/N: I'm kind of losing the feeling for this chapter, so if it sucks let me know & I'll see if I can do better. I'd also like to point out two things. One: some people will be doing things completly out of their nature. And Two: There's going to be some Cajun French in the the future so if ya don't know waht I'm ****saying...well...sorry. R&R! Flames are welcome! **

* * *

Dr.Holler looked down at her watch & then at the clock on the wall.

"Ok...they only have one minute left." She sat back in her chair & crossed her legs. "Where have those other two gone? Rogue & Remy, where are they?"

_"Where do you think, dumbass?" _Jean thought. She'd had just about enough of this doctor. She was supposed to help? HA! This whole time, Dr.Holler had manged to do nothing except have Jean make a fool of herself, make Kurt & Amanda walk out, & more than likely screw up Scott & Lance permanently.

"3...2...1! Time's up!" Dr.Holler exclaimed & walked over to the closet. She pulled the glimmering silver key out her skirt pocket & slowly turned the lock. The door burst open & Scott stumbled out. Lance leaned against the back wall of the closet, breathing incredibly shallow. Scott leaned against the door, his hand on the knob. After a minute, he seemed to regain his posture. Scott stood up, adjusted his shades, & took a seat beside Jean. Lance, who seem a little more than traumatised, slowly stood up & walked(rather stiffly) over to an armchair, which he polped down in.

"What exactly did you do in there?" Jean asked, eyeing Scott supiciously.

Scott coughed. "Nothing." When Jean raised an eyebrow, he said defencively "Really! Nothing!"

"Oh my god! Why am I even here?! Like, I don't even like Lance!" Everyone looked at her. "Not, like, anymore!" And with that she walked out, shortly followed by Lance. He said nothing, just simply getting up & walking out was enough. For a moment, a look of disappointment****flashed itself on Scott's face. That's when he realised just what he was thinking & straightened up before Jean noticed.

Just then, a loud _thud_ resounded just outside of the office. Then, in stumbled Rogue & Remy. Rogue's hair was sticking up slightly in the back & the velcro on one of her gloves was undone. One of her sleeves was pushed up(she quickly remedied that) & her shirt was heavily wrinkled. Remy, on the other hand looked very pale. One of the sleeves on his overcoat was hanging off & he moved very uneasily.

"Where have you two been?!" Dr.Holler demanded

"Bathroom." Rogue answered flatly, & sat down. Remy did the nodded & did the same.

"Ok...that's it!" Jean stood up & glared at Dr.Holler "I've had it up to here with you! You haven't helped us one bit!"

"Sure I have!" she replied "Look at those two!" She pointed to Rogue & Remy "Those two! They're banging in the bathroom!"

"Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute-!" Rogue interjected

"Yeah but that had nothing to do with you!" Jean continued "And just look at Scott!"

"What about him?" Dr.Holler asked

"Yeah! What about me?" Scott spoke up

"Look at you Scott!" Jean said "Don't deny the fact you're gay!"

"I'm not!"

"Seven minutes in a closet seemed to change that! I _am _telepahic you know! I can read minds remember?!"

Remy had regained his color & was again twirling a card in his hand. While Scott & Jean contuied arguing, & Dr.Holler sat back & took notes.

"You as bored I am, petite?" Remy asked, handing her the queen of hearts. She didn't reply. She simply took the card & stared at it for a moment.

"You c'mon wit' me, chere." He motioned to the door. Rogue grinned.

"No one eva' says chere anymore ya know." She said quietly, almost wispering

"Oh non?"

"Try bebe."

Remy's red eyes stared back at her warm brown one's. Then he grabbed Rogue's hand & headed for the door.

"No!" Dr.Holler yelled & dove for the door. "No one else can leave! I've lost enough of you kids already!"

"Ok, why are you getting all defencive?" Scott asked

"Defencive? Who's defencive?" Dr.Holler replied

"Ya know...If Ah didn't know better.." Rogue walked up behind Dr.Holler & grabbed a lock of her platinum blonde hair, yanking on it as hard as possible. Gasps filled the small office as the platinum blonde wig went flying across the room.

"I knew there was something weird about you!" Jean exclaimed "You're a cross dresser!" Jean smiled triumphly, but her smile faded quickly. "You _are _gay, Scott!"

"Haven't we been through this?" he reaplied as a mortified Dr.Holler ran out the room.

"I saw your eyes pop out your head everytime you laid eyes on her...him....whatever!" And with that Jean stormed out the room, Scott trailing after her.

"Well...Ah dunno 'bout them but Ah feel we accomplish somethin'. Don't you?" Rogue said

"Oui, bebe."

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**Whew! Ok, that really didn't come out how I wanted it to...Tell me what ya think. Oh and incase you're wonedring, Yes I stole that line from Devine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I have a right to though! I live where they filmed it! It's my new obsession right now so there. **


	5. The Aftermath

**Couple's Therapy Pt5!!**

**By SooFetch**

**Disclaimer: I own NO ONE & NOTHING!....Not even myself...I don't think...**

**A/N: This is exacly what it says it is, The Aftermath. I'm not even sure if that's the right word so if it's not...well...sorry. This takes place 15 years later to show just how one couple's therapy session changed _everything_. And excuse any nosenseical moments. I'm listening to the Spice Girls & watching Britney Spears on MTV so....yeah that explains it.**

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15 Years Later

_Brring! Brring! _The phone rang out across the small apartment in New Orleans. Remy poked his head out the bathroom. "Could you get that, bebe?" he yelled

"Yeah ok." Rogue ran to the kitchen & pulled the phone off the hook. "Hello?"

"Hi..uh...Rogue?" the voice said "It's Scott."

"Oh, hey Scott! Dang, it's probably been...what? 15 years since Ah talked to you. Or any of the gang for that matter."

"Who is it chere?" Remy called from the bathroom

"It's Scott!" she answered "You remember? From the X-Men, Remy!"

"Oh...You live with Remy now?" Scott asked

"Yep." she answered proudly

"So what'd you do lose your powers?"

"No..."

"Then how do you-"

"Don't ask."

"Alright."Scott said quickly

"So what about you, Scott? You kept up with the gang or what?"

"Yeah accually I have talked to a few of the X-Men."

"So you & Jean live together now?"

There was a long pause. That horrible awkward silence nearly killed Rogue till Scott said "I bat for the same team now, Rogue."

"Wow, Scott..." she started "Ah didn't know you played baseball!"

Scott sighed "No, no. I mean I run in the same direction."

"You jog?"

"You're not getting it, Rogue." he said "I use the women's bathroom for moral purposes."

Rogue tilted her head to the side. "You lost me back at 'Hi', Scott."

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I'M GAY YOU INSIGNIFICANT TWIT!"

There was a long pause before Rogue said "See now that's all you had to say."

Scott could do nothing but sigh before Rogue continued. "Ok, ok. Ah can tell when you feel uncomfortable. So I'll change the subject. What about...uh...Kitty? How's she?"

"Kitty's doing great. Funny thing though..." Scott started "She's accually just like me."

"Attracted to men? 'Cause that's not that odd, Scott."

"A lesbian. She's a lesbian."

"Ohhh...Ah see. So where's that leave Lance?"

"Umm...with me..." Scott answered timidly, followed by a _thud_ in the backround.

"Uh-huh. And what's up with Jean?"

"Wow...You really are behind, Rogue. Jean commited suicide a while back. She left a note talking about how the love of her life was & gay & she had nothing else to live for. Then she jumped off a building."

_What a way to go..._ Rogue thought "Kurt & Amanda?"

"They ran off to unknown place. Said they wanted to get away from all us so called 'freaks'."

"Freaks?!" Rogue exclaimed "For cryin' out loud Kurt's blue & furry! And he's callin' us feaks?! HA!"

"That's everyone I guess." Scott ignored Rogue's outburst

"Everyone's changed alot. Just 'cause of that one session..."

"I gotta go, Rogue. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye, Scott."

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**D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DAT'S ALL FOLKS. That's where it ends. So I can't really make a sequel. Maybe Couple's Therapy for some other show? So I hope I've answered at least one question that I got in a rewiew. So any more questions e-mail me & ask away! Flames welcome! TTFN! Ta-ta for now!**

**_The NiNjAbUnNy_**


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